I would be way more happy if they, anthropic and a few others got reduced out of existente

If you would like to go on a different route, a mini PC with opnsense is also a good choice. If you happen to have a small form factor PC somewhere that can be added a nic card to have at least 2 Ethernet ports, this would totally work

Can someone make a crying bro meme? Surely fits this (I have 0 meme skills. Just like my social skills)

Law in particular is such a gnarly subject that you really want to have someone who knows what they are saying about anything. And even then they can be wrong too