I wanted to be a developer, and create the kind of games that I wanted to play. Now, I just want to survive.

I feel that there is some world that others were brought into, that I was left too long to believe that I am a part of it, and I suffered a lot, trying to have the normalcy that others take for granted.

This is not my world, I don’t belong in it. My goal is to become independent enough to not have to worry about other humans exploiting me at all, or die trying.

  • 1 Post
  • 464 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
cake
Cake day: December 5th, 2024

help-circle











  • No, I didn’t. I just did the bloodworks to see if there is something impairing me besides whatever diagnosis I will have once I’m examined.

    B12 and tapeworms is concerning. It would be quite hard to check for tapeworms right now, and our cats could just bring it in.

    I am not vegan, though that is a future goal. I eat meat basically every day, the canned stuff.

    My B12 is still above defficiency range, but I decided to take B12 anyway. My D-Vitamin is several times bellow defficiency range.

    Something very much is horribly wrong with my guts, might be celiacs, might be something else, but everything I eat just comes right back up my throat, even water. I have a constant cough, and upset guts often.

    So what can I say? It will take forever to accumulate enough money to get it all checked out.





  • I don’t get having kids before making the world at least a decent place. And the main thing that is wrong with the world is not climate change, some resource constraint, or even the psycho dictators ruling over us all.

    It is the human flaws that make this all possible. There is just something fundamentaly very wrong with humans. We won’t make it unless we engineer this out on a fundamental level.

    We need to treat Psychopathy genes as a lethal disease, as if it were SARS, and everyone needs to be “vaccinated”.

    Just giving humans a predisposition towards empathy would be step 1.

    Step 2 is creating an anti-trust structure where no one can really have power, that keeps itself strictly in-check. Constutionaly allow citizens to dislodge or if necessary kill leaders who violate the law, and don’t get arrested.

    And those citizens should be let off free, if certain conditions are meet (illegality of the leader obvious enough, he was asked to step down, law-enforcement did nothing, certain amount of time passed).

    Everyone needs to have their own independent resources. No one should be in the position to be exploited. This must be ensured by LAW.





  • So many things. Got my bloodworks done, severe Vitamin D defficiency and mid-low Vitamin B12 (normal, but Claude told me I should take supplements anyway).

    Got a psych exam scheduled in 2 months from now, have to survive increasing hostility at work until then, my father’s delusional bullshit, and not quit or off myself.

    Trying this experiment with an overly elaborate system I designed. I’m trying to juggle these 4 mental loops, to try and artificially force myself to be aware and to function optimaly. So far, I’m always undersleept, I can’t really juggle even one.

    I don’t understand how normies do it. I just want to do what I’m supposed to, and get out of everyone’s way.